


nights like this (i think of you the most)

by moonpower



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:40:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26052049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonpower/pseuds/moonpower
Summary: He hears the bell atop the cafe's door rings. As if it's muscle memory, he glances at the door at the sides of his eyes.When he sees it was another unfamiliar face, he returns his gaze to his front. The rain starts to heavily pour again and the fogged window slowly becomes wet with raindrops.It's one of those nights again.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	nights like this (i think of you the most)

**Author's Note:**

> this fic (drabble?) is inspired and loosely based on this [edit](https://twitter.com/renpout/status/1284852046529626113?s=19) give it a watch if you want to know more about this fic's renmin!! ^^

It's 2 AM.

Renjun stirs the long gone cold cup of tea on the table in front of him. The pitter-patter of the rain that's been going on for hours now accompanies the low-fi music that's been blasting off the 24-hour cafe's speakers. Only three tables are occupied, including his.

One of them is a table occupied by a group of students who seems to be working on their grouped thesis. Laptops, papers, and empty cups of coffee messily decorating their table.

Another is a two-seater table occupied by two girls who are talking in hushed voices. Looking at each other as if they are the only people in the world with their intertwined hands on top of the table.

And here he is, sitting at those high seats with the long table placed at the back of the floor-length window. The seats intended for those without company, or those who have but doesn't want to be bothered on their work.

For him, it's the former.

The cold weather made the glass foggy until all he can see is the blurred lines of the stores in front and the warm orange lights of the cars passing by. The cafe has their heater on yet he refuses to remove his padded white jacket.

He hears the bell atop the cafe's door rings. As if it's muscle memory, he glances at the door at the sides of his eyes.

When he sees it was another unfamiliar face, he returns his gaze to his front. The rain starts to heavily pour again and the fogged window slowly becomes wet with raindrops.

It's one of those nights again.

The kind of night where he stops functioning as an adult. The kind of night where he should be spending the night cooped up in his dorm working on a plate or if he's free, he should be long asleep after watching a movie.

Tonight, he was free from any academic responsibility after weeks of doing papers and plates that just seemed to be endless. He knows he should be enjoying the free time to get back all the sleep he lost. He should be relieved for having a night where his mind is free from worries of graduation and what happens next after.

But nights like this often gives way to the thoughts he buries using all the things he need to do in university. Nights like this are those nights where he spends the money he saved from the past weeks for cups and cups of expensive tea.

Nights like this are those nights where he spends the night lost in jumbled thoughts of memories, of what-ifs, and of regrets.

He doesn't know why he goes to this cafe when he can just do that in his room. He knows it's better to stay in his room where he doesn't have to spend half of his savings in cups of tea where he would end up leaving the last one untouched.

It's better to stay in his room where he could sleep the damned thoughts off. Where he could pull up a movie on his laptop and drown himself in the cliché plot.

Most of all, he could let the tears go in his room, cradled by the safety of the four walls. He could cry for hours without worrying about anyone hearing it.

And then when he gets tired of letting all the pent-up emotions out, he could shut everything off and sleep. Once he wakes up, he could go back to his regular programming of being a functional adult who has to finish his degree and find a stable job after.

Despite of it all, he still finds himself pocketing his wallet and keys, feet slipping on his shoes as he steps out of his dorm. He still finds himself walking to this quaint cafe on the next street, nearly empty at the dead hours of the night.

He thinks it's because of the nostalgia it gives off. Maybe because of the comfort it gives to his broken heart but he almost laughs at the irony of it all.

Because this is the very same cafe where he got his heart broken a year ago.

Yet this is also the same cafe that witnessed how they started, where they spent their boring first date. A blind date set up by his best friend who was in the same play where _he_ starred in.

This is where they went from awkward strangers to acquaintances who greets each other every coffee run-ins. Until they became friends after learning about their love for cooking and Korean dramas.

Until they became lovers who could not let the day end without at least texting each other good night after a busy day.

Lovers who would spend free nights cuddled on the bed, with Renjun pushing the other for hogging too much space on the right side of the bed. Yet he secretly loves the way strong arms wrap themselves around his waist, intertwining his hand in one of _his_ hands as he sighs contentedly in his sleep.

Lovers who would cook for each other their special dishes. That even though he just came home from his shift at their university radio, he would still cook dumplings and his special sauce just so he could see the bright smile on the boy's face after being eaten up by insecurities that plague his mind before the day of his play.

Lovers who would study together, taking kissing breaks in between. He would feel the other smiling mid-kiss as Renjun began to demand more after minutes of lazily kissing each other's lips. Yet the boy would be too weak to deny him and would give in to his demands, pulling him to his lap and stopping before everything goes too far.

Lovers who would fight about petty things; their pride sometimes taking over their capability to think straight. They would spend hours—days, even—not talking and giving each other the cold shoulder. But at the end of the day, their love weighs greater than any of the things they would fight about.

This is the cafe that watched two strangers bloom into a relationship that just like every other relationship, has its own flaws. Watched as two strangers fell in love with each other and with the love they had for each other.

And yet, this is also the same cafe that watched that relationship end. Watched as Renjun broke it off with the one he loves the most. Watched as the boy begged Renjun to try, to not give in to the distance that would separate them apart.

Watched as Renjun, firm with his decision, said no. Watched as the boy sagged in resignation and with his eyes close to tears, asked of Renjun a kiss. For the last time.

Watched as Jaemin stood up after, wiping the tears that rolled off his eyes as he left the cafe.

Watched as Renjun hurried to leave after, not to follow the younger but to run to his dorm with his shoulders shaking from uncontrollable sobs.

And now, a year after, this cafe is still witness to how many nights Renjun would sit at the high seats, watching as time pass by. How Renjun would get those nights where he would have the urge to call the other, to ask for forgiveness. To ask for another chance, to try again, to be taken back.

To ask whether the love they have created is still with the other boy as Renjun still kept the other half after so many months.

But Renjun would pocket his phone again, shutting it down as the clock strikes 3. Standing up and making his way outside to go back to his dorm.

Because Jaemin might be the one who left, but Renjun was the one who ended it all.

And the reality that he was the one who gave up, the one who refused to try, the one who ruined the beautiful love they had, crashes all his hopes down. Until all that was left was pain, longing, sadness, and regret.

He doesn't have any news about Jaemin anymore after the boy moved to another country. Having accepted an offer at a prestigious art school that recognized his immense talent as a theater actor.

Renjun expected it because Jaemin has always belonged on the stage, shining brighter than anyone even without the stage lights on him. Jaemin, with his love for performing and acting. His beautiful deep voice and commanding presence. His ability to work harder than what is expected of him.

He doesn’t want to be a hindrance to Jaemin’s promising career, doesn’t want to be a burden when Jaemin would be busier than he already is here in their university.

Maybe Jaemin was right when he told Renjun that he will never be a burden. Maybe Jaemin was right when he told him that a crowd full of unfamiliar people cheering him on would be nothing without Renjun and his bouquets for him after his plays.

But then, what’s done is done. Jaemin is miles away on a country where he’s surrounded with new people who share the same passion as his. 

While Renjun is still here, with his thoughts that never leave him alone. That always find their way to haunt him whenever he thinks he’s over it already.

Because the truth is, a part of him will always be in love with Na Jaemin. That fact will never change no matter how many years pass.

Maybe as years pass by, that part will be diminished into a small spark that’s always there yet is small enough not to turn his insides into a mess of searing pain.

He thinks, maybe someday.

Someday, he will sit at a table for two without thinking of him.

Someday, he will sleep on the middle of his bed and not at the left, waiting for the right side to be filled.

Someday, he will watch musicals without thinking of the actor he used to watch the most.

Someday, he will be able to look at this town the same way before he met him. Because he knows that the time he was with Jaemin, he used to look at this town with rose-colored glasses.

Maybe someday.

But right now, he knows.

Today isn't that day.

**Author's Note:**

> hi im back at it again with 3am sudden burst of fic ideas and 5am postings *chuckles* im slowly easing myself back into writing in english after writing two filo fics so here's a short angsty renmin fic before i work on my much longer wips hehe
> 
> thank u for reading!! kudos and comments are always appreciated <3


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